


When I Was Your Man

by SexyNerd (Mixer4Life)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Secret Relationship, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 17:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2740571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mixer4Life/pseuds/SexyNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: When I Was Your Man Songfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Was Your Man

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing a songfic, sorry if it sucks.

_Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now. Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same.When our friends talk about you all it does is just tear me down. 'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name._

I wake up and immediately reach for Louis but his side of the bed is dead cold. I get up and fix myself a cup of coffee turning the TV on to Good Morning America. Even though I'm an Englishman I've always like this show. They have Sam Smith doing a guest performance, he sings his single  _Stay With Me._ By the end of the song I'm in tears because Louis said that would be our wedding song just weeks before. I turn off the TV and get back in bed and repeat the cycle that I call my life.  _Eat,sleep, repeat. Eat, sleep, repeat. Eat, sleep, repeat._

At 3:00 on the dot Niall does his routine check-up visit to make sure I'm fine. He grills me about eating and sleeping,  _check._ He tells me I need to move on from Louis. He says that Louis was no good for me. That's when I punch him in the face. Louis was an angel. I fucked up this relationship. Not him. Niall leaves after I attack him. He says he'll be back tomorrow. I tell him not to bother. 

Zayn calls me next, he gives me the 411 on what's happening in Louis' life. He tells me that Louis has a boyfriend know, a little rich boy named Liam Payne. I tense up at this information. I knew Louis would move on, I just didn't think it would be this fast. Zayn then says that Perrie's calling him so he'll call me later. I say bye and we hang up. I go back to bed.  _Eat, sleep, repeat._

_It all just sounds like ooh.... Mm, Too young, too dumb to realize. That I should've brought you flowers. And held your hand. Should of gave you all my hours. When I had the chance. Take you to all the parties. 'Cause all you wanted to do was dance. Now my baby's dancing. But she's dancing with another man._

I grew up with homophobic parents. They were very religious and condemned everything gay. They conditioned me to believe that homosexuality was a sin and shameful. I was so scared they find out I was gay that I refused show Louis any affection in public. I wouldn't even hold his hand. One time when we were in the movies, Louis laid his head on my shoulder. I got so scared that someone would see that I shrugged him off of me. I saw the hurt in his eyes, I tried to fix my mistake but the damage was already done.

We would have huge fights over things like this. Louis doesn't understand what growing up with my parents did to me. For years I felt self-loathing and ashamed over something I couldn't control. He believes that I'm just making excuses that they shouldn't have so much power over me. After these fights Louis would leave but then come back again, but one day he left and didn't come back.

  _My pride,my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways,caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life. Now I never,never get to cleanup the mess I made,ohh. And it haunts every time I close my eyes._

Going to sleep that night after Louis left me was like trying to fly. I couldn't get the image of his crying face as he tells me that he can't live like this anymore. He can't love someone who is halfway in the closet. I still think that if I had just put his needs before mine, if I hadn't been so damn selfish, that I would still have Louis in my arms, in my bed, and in my life. I haven't spoken to Louis since he broke up with me. He doesn't answer my calls or texts. He always avoids me if we happen to see each other in public. All of this kills me inside. I love Louis so much, even if he doesn't believe it.

_It all just sounds like ooh...Mm,Too young, to dumb to realize. That I should've brought you flowers. And held your hand. Should of gave you all my hours. When I had the chance. take you to all the parties. 'Cause all you wanted to do was dance. And now my baby's dancing but she's dancing with another man._

Today is Perrie's birthday and I got dragged out of the house by Zayn to celebrate with them at a salsa club. The beat for the couple's dance starts to play when I see him. He's with a tall guy with a military buzz cut, Liam, I presume. They start to dance and it's so sensual. Like Liam is the one for Louis and not me. Liam has his hands all over Louis' body like he owns it. I want to rip them apart. I want to show Louis that he belongs with me not Liam. But I don't. I sit down and I finish my dance. I wish Perrie a happy birthday and then I leave. I go home and I cry there in private where no one can see me. 

_Although it hurts. I'll be the first to say. I was wrong. Oh, I know I'm probably much too late. To try and apologize for my mistakes. But I just want you to know ._

I'm so tired of the pain. Louis has moved on he doesn't need me anymore. He's never needed me. I've always needed him. I've always been the needy one. The one that drags everyone down. Well I'm not going to be that person anymore. I'm nothing but a disgrace something to be ashamed of. That's what I tell myself as I cut myself with my razor. That's what I say to my self as I feel the life slowly drain out of me.

_Well, I hope he buys you flowers. I hope he holds your hand. Gives you all his hours. When he has the chance. Take you to every party. 'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance. Do all the things I should of done. When I was your man. Do all the things I should of done. When I was your man._

I hope Liam makes you happy Louis is the last thought I have.

 


End file.
